Kingdom Hearts Transcript (Episode 1)

Sora: I've been having these wierd thoughts lately...like why do I have the voice of a ten year old girl?

(Opening Sequence)

Sora: (In the Station of Awakening) Aww damnit. So lonely here. Why am I by myself? Anybody?

Voices: (So much to do so little time).

Sora: Hey look! The voices are talking to me again. (listens to voices) Take you time. Don't be afraid. Wow the voices are bossy today. (looks at platform with picture of Snow White on) Wow that's woman's fully dressed, this musn't be one of my dreams. Freaky. (listens to voices again) Now step forward. Can you do it? Can I walk? (Starts to walk) It's a Christmas miracle!

(Weapons appear)

Sora: Okay what the crap? (looks at shield) Okay Mickey Mouse head, (looks at staff) stick (looks at the sword) and the sharpest weapon I will ever see in this game. I feel like a kid in a weapon store. (Platform begins to collapse) What the...oh oh oh crap! Alright most weapon stores don't do that. (Platform breaks in piece) Most weapon stores definately don't do that. (Falls) Oh holy crap...whoa I'm falling! Who knows if I'll ever land? I may die. Oh well at least it's safer than Alton Towers...wheeee!

Narrator: Would you like to see Sora: A. Land on another random Disney character? B. Land on Snow White again? C. A pony? Or D. Fight Sephiroth?

(Short pause)

Narrator: You have selected D.

(Sephiroth appears out of a portal)

Narrator: Aha just kidding folks!

Sora: (Falling) Damnit if that narrator did not play Riku, I would so kill him. Falling. Falling. Landing. (Lands on Cinderella platform). Now Sephiroth is more interesting than this. (Sword appears in his hand) Alright I picked the sword because it doesn't have a Disney label, good. Okay? What am I fighting? (A shadow appears) I fight that? It looks like a cute little squirrel. (More shadows appear)

Oh look! More squirrels! Come here little squirrels. Heehee looks like a squirrel and a shadow did it. Aww so cute. Behind you? I think I'm ok voices. I think I can beat up a squirrel fine enough. (Darkness surrounds the platform) Okay? What the...oh oh crap! Oh crap! Oh crap! Oh god they had to pick option B. They had to pick option B didn't they? When I get out of here...(mumbles).

Ah aaaah! The squirrels are attacking me! Someone get the squirrels off! Aaah! Aaah! (Wakes up on third platform) Oh thank God I'm awake. Wait. Wait. Nope I'm not on the island. God this place makes the mangekyou sharingan look like a freaking migraine. Oh wait now that I've got my glasses, yay! I am on the island. Oh hey Selphie, hey Wakka, hey Tidus. Wakka and Tidus' kids on the same island. Erm I gotta go. Whoa they were more of a headache, much more of a headache.

Oh god, ok take glasses off (ends up on Aurora platform). Oh thank God I'm home! At least the worst of it's over. I mean it's not like a giant shadow is gonna come out of nowhere and attack me. (Laughs) Right?

(Darkside appears)

Sora: Worst weapon store ever!

(Ending sequence)