Kingdom Hearts Transcript (Episode 4)

Goofy: Oooooooo. Donald: What is it?

Goofy: Donald look. (Points at sky) Pretty stars.

Donald: Wow that has got to be like the tenth time you said that.

Goofy: But...but it's different each time. That one went down.

Donald: That's the only time it was different.

(Traverse Town Logo)

Donald: Where are we anyway?

Goofy: Pretty.

Donald: (Sigh) Thirteen bathroom stops. Unbelievable.

Goofy: Hey it's not my fault Jiminy makes such a great lemon snow cone.

Donald: Erm Goofy...

Goofy: You know I think Sora's down there.

Donald: Who the (bleep) is Sora?

Goofy: Hmm good question. Who the (bleep) is Sora? Well Pluto said that and we both speak dog afterall.

Donald: You speak dog?

Goofy: Well I am a dog.

Donald: You're a dog?!!!! What the crap? You look like a giant rat!

Pluto: (Licks Sora)

Sora: Uhhhh Kairi I told you I'm ticklish. Huh? Damnit did you forget to put your make-up on? Seriously...(Pluto nudges Sora) AAH!! Damnit Kairi! I told you I don't like it rough. Damnit. (Stands up) Why does my head hurt? Where am I? I'm like the only person to ever get a hangover from over dose of darkness. Kairi do you know where we are?

Pluto: (Runs away)

Sora: Wait Kairi. Ehh maybe she's stoned again. Damnit I can't find dog-Kairi...wait my Sora senses are tingling. Who are you?

Leon: Hey kid wanna see a dead body? (Sees keyblade) Oh damnit the keyblade. I mean erm do you wanna be a dead body?

Sora: Dude what the crap? You're making no sense.

Leon: Do you wanna hear what makes no sense? Why are former Seed members fighting thirteen year olds?

Sora: Out of my way, I have to find my dog/girlfriend.

Leon: Oh damnit! Can we just get the ass kicking over and out of the way?

(What Sora thinks happened...)

(Fight between Sora and Leon with Sora winning)

(What actually happened...)

(Punching sounds)

Sora: (Knocked out) Worst...weapon store...ever.

(Opening sequence)

Yuffie: Give me an L-E-O-N.

Leon: Oh damnit! Its the legendary cheerleader.

Yuffie: Yeah!

Leon: Look, what's important right now is we're trying to figure out what the (bleep) is up with this kid's shoes.

Kairi: Come on lazy bum wake up.

Sora: (Wakes up) Huh? What the...Kairi? It really is you.

Kairi: Oh Sora I was so worried about you.

Sora: I was really worried about you too Kairi.

Kairi: But now we're finally off the island. We can travel everywhere, we can find Riku and then we're free to live our own lives.

Sora: I'm really glad we're ok Kairi.

Kairi: Well now that you're calling me Kairi, I have something to show you. (Takes off disguise and reveals to be Yuffie)

Yuffie: Ha ha I got you!

Sora: WHAT THE (bleep)?! MOTHER (bleep) B****!!! I MEAN WHAT THE (bleep)!!? I'LL SHOVE THE (bleep) KEYBLADE UP YOUR (bleep)!!! I MEAN WHAT THE (bleep)!? WHAT THE (bleep)!? WHAT THE (bleep)!!!!!!!!!?

Yuffie: Calm the hell down kid! You kiss Kairi with that mouth?

Sora: You can kiss my...

Leon: Sora there are more pressing matters at hand right now. Now I think we had enough swearing for one episode.

Sora: Erm ok I'll be good.

Leon: But first let me show you a magic trick! (Keyblade disappears from Leon's hand and reappears in Sora's) Tada!

Sora: What the fu...

Leon: Sora!

Sora: Sorry. But seriously what is this thing?

Leon: You have to use this keyblade to destroy the heartless.

Sora: Heartless? Oh you mean the squirrels.

Leon: Ok sure. Don't worry they're not all that dangerous.

(Meanwhile)

(Scene where a man is turning into a heartless)

Sora: Why do I feel like Im being screwed over?

Yuffie: Because you are, silly.

Leon: So basically all you have to do is...

Sora: Swing this thing around and hope I hit something?

Yuffie: Exactly.

Sora: Then it's settled. The three of us will set off on our perilus journey to find my friends and save the universe.

Yuffie: Erm yeah about that...

(Soldier heartless appear)

Leon: Well that magic trick back fired! Yuffie go!

Donald: (In the other room) Bathroom break. (Gets it by door)

Aerith: Yuffie!

Leon: Hey Sora wanna see another magic trick?

(Soldier falls out the window)

Sora: Fantastic!

Goofy: Cool Donald! You look like that girl from The Grudge.

Donald: I hate you!

Goofy: (On a balcony) How the hell did we get up there?

Donald: Isn't it obvious goofy? The editors got bored.

Goofy: You dont think we're gonna mess up do ya?

Donald: We'll show those editors who's boss. (Gets knocked off balcony with Goofy) Damn you Auron225!!! (Lands on Sora)

Sora: Oww damnit!!

Goofy: This reminds me of an awkward dream I had.

Donald: Look it's the key!

Goofy: Ice cream cone!!

Donald: WHAT!?

Goofy: But where are all the surveilence?

Donald: What?

Goofy: But its Traverse Town. I thought there were people. (Soldiers appear) At least we dont have to fight a giant knight.

(Guard Armour appears)

Goofy: Aww damnit!

Sora: Here's a trick Leon taught me! (Guard armour collapses) Guard Armour explode no jutsu! (Slap) Oww what was that for?

Donald: I'm the magician here.

Sora: It got the job done didn't it?

Donald: This is why I don't like kids.

Sora: Me Sora.

Donald: We can talk jackass!

Leon: Holy crap a talking duck.

Yuffie: Awesome!

Goofy: But I can talk too.

Sora: (Everyone laughs) Adorable!

Sora: I'm on a desparate search to find my friends.

Donald: You can always travel with us in our gummi ship.

Sora: Does it taste as good as it sounds?

Goofy: Are you sure you want him to come with us? He looks kinda funny.

Donald: It doesn't matter, I didn't know you were a dog until two hours ago. It's better than leaving him with these psychopaths.

Leon: Ahem. Now Sora you be a good boy and no swearing.

Sora: Ok Leon.

Donald: If you're going to travel with us, you can't be that depressed ok? Come on now smile.

Sora:.....

Donald: Come on!

Sora:.....

Goofy: We have candy.

Sora: (Smiles)

(Final Fantasy Fanfare)

Sora: What the hell do you think you're looking at? What!?

Donald and Goofy: (Laughs)

Sora: (Sarcasm) Oh ha ha ha.

Donald: I'm Donald the duck.

Goofy: I'm Goofy the retarded dog beast.

Sora: I'm Sora. The boy with the key.

Goofy: All for one and one for all.

Sora: Aaah! There's a keyhole on my hand! Squish it!

Goofy: Does anybody else need to go to the bathroom?

Donald: Oh God!