Kingdom Hearts Transcript (Episode 7)

Sora: (Falling) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!! (Lands in treehouse) You know your life is an action movie when you fall head first into a house and leave with nothing but a sore neck. Well at least this giant, rotting, mouldy, dusty house was there to cushion the fall and now I sit back and wait for someone to come and help me.

Sabor: (Leaps at Sora)

Sora: Where did this come from? (Gets scratched) Oww damnit! Oww why would this hurt more than the fall?

Sabor: (Roars)

Sora: No Sora taste like crap. Bad lion thing.

Tarzan: (Enters house and fights off Sabor) (Speaking French) ('Will you sleep with me tonight?')

Sabor: (Jumps out of window, lands then explode)

Sora: Well that was erm...something.

Tarzan: ('He prefered death.')

Sora: Dude what the hell language are you speaking anyway? Is it like Latin or gibberish?

Tarzan: ('I'm speaking French')

Sora: Ok I'm just gonna assume you're making it up as you're going along. Well anyway I'm going to be speaking English to you even though you clearly don't understand...can you blink or something? Dude?

Tarzan: ('I hate you')

Sora: Yay! I knew you like me! So the first thing we're gonna do is make sure I'm completly happy and have my friends back before I consider learning anything about you. Okay? Well you're boring me now so I'm just gonna look over here. (Sees an imaginary Kairi)

Tarzan: ('I eat you breakfast')

Sora: Dude I'm totally paying attention. I am totally not undressing the imaginary girl with my eyes.

Tarzan: ('I know where your friends are.')

Sora: English please.

Tarzan: ('They're called Riku and Kairi, right?')

Sora: What the hell's Riku supposed to mean?

Tarzan: ('You are annoying. I'm going to leave.')

Sora: Great so you can show me around then?

(Outside)

Sora: Wow! I've always wanted to see a desert island filled with...Oh God damnit!

(Opening sequence)

Goofy: Why are we just waiting for something to come along and kill us?

Donald: Don't be silly Goofy. We're Disney characters. Nothing ever comes along to kill us.

(Clayton appears)

Goofy: We're gonna die, aren't we?

Donald: Shut up and help me get this apple in my mouth! Where did I put this apple? I know it's around here...(Sees Turk and about to scream)

Narrator: This scene was far too loud, and with far too much insistent swearing coming from a duck that by law, we decided to dub over it. Enjoy! DS.

Donald: Oh look a cute little monkey. Oh look Goofy, there's an apple I can use.

Goofy: Erm Donald...

(Several seconds earlier...)

Turk: (Drops the "apple")

Clayton: Hmm I found animals in the jungle. What should I do with them?

(Meanwhile...)

Tarzan: ('Don't follow me anymore!')

Sora: Wait for me monkey man!

(Enters the tent)

Tarzan: ('I was hoping you'd be dead by now...')

Sora: I'm going to pretend you just called me a genius.

Jane: Why hello you two, I've been waiting ever so long for you to return. ('Where the hell have you been?')

Sora: What the hell did she just say?

Jane: Would you like some tea and biscuits? ('Do you want any food or water?')

Sora: (Whispering) What the hell is she talking about?

Tarzan: ('I dunno...')

Jane: I do hope you can stay for the afternoon. ('When it's night time, I want you gone.')

Clayton: (Enters tent with Donald and Goofy) Look what I found in the jungle. Do I get a snack now?

Goofy: Sora I missed you!

Sora: Donald! I missed you so much!...Oh yeah I'm mad at you!

Donald: Well you ate the engine of our ship.

Sora: Why's it called a gummi ship if I can't eat it?

Clayton: So I, a hunter went out into the jungle, on to the shotgun, found a talking dog beast and a duck and rather than killing them like a normal hunter would, I thought I would take them back here and show you. Do I get a Scooby snack now?

Jane: That makes perfect sense!

Sora: My line Missy!...What the hell kind of cloaking device makes the ship actually disappear anyway? (Hiccup)

Goofy: Sora are you feeling ok?

Sora: I (hiccup) don't (hiccup) know. (hiccup) I'm (hiccup) doing (hiccup) an (hiccup) AdamWest (hiccup) Slapdog (hiccup) thing here. Help (hiccup) me (hiccup) Don(hiccup)ald. I'm (hiccup) scared here (hiccup).

Goofy: Boo!

Sora: That did it.

Tarzan: ('I regret saving you.')

Jane: So are we chummy wummies again? ('We good?')

Tarzan: ('We can go visit my family')

Jane: He said he will let you visit his nester kin. ('He said we can go vistit his family.')

Clayton: She said that he said that you can go visit his family.

Sora: Thank you Clayton. God!

Clayton: But don't worry, even though I'm a hunter, I will not dream of killing them...evil smile.

Sora: What?

(Visiting Tarzan's parents)

Sora: I can totally see the resemblance.

Tarzan: ('These people are travellers who have gotten lost here. But they are annoying. I think that we should kill them all before they decide to stay. PLEASE! Kill them!')

Goofy: Did you get any of that?

Donald: No but I think they have something to do with cooking our dinner.

Tarzan: ('For the love of God! PLEASE!')

(At the treehouse)

Clayton: On this very special edition of How Clean Is Your House, kill an ape for fun.

(Back at the tent)

Jane: What in heaven's name were you thinking? Not only did you kill an ape which was delicious, you also dangered the life of this poor little innocent duck.

Donald: Hey shut the hell up!

Jane: Oh look at him, he looks positively finger licking good.

Donald: See? I told you.

Clayton: Now listen to me Miss Brits. I swear I was only trying to assasin...oh.

Jane: Just look at how upset Goofy is.

Clayton: That thing has emotions? Good God woman!

Jane: Look at Donald, he's pratically unconcious with rage.

Donald: Actually I'm just bored.

Jane: Oh there there.

Clayton: I'm just going to take a walk to calm myself down and I'll leave you two to dwell. (Turns around) Did I make that face before I turned around? (Goes outside) Oh damnit. Son of a (bleep)! (bleep)! Mother (bleep)! I'm going to shove this metal gun up her (bleep) and blast her head off her (bleep)!

Jane: We can hear you Clayton.

Clayton: Really? How?

Jane: It's a tent not a panic room!

Sora: So how are we getting back?

Donald: Well since you ate our engine and then in a fit of rage activated the cloaking device, we're pretty much stranded here.

Sora: So you're pretty much back where you started?...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Leon: What was that?

Yuffie: I dunno but it looks like fun. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Sora: That was wierd.

(Outside)

Sora: Okay Mr. Ape dude since I discovered that I can't leave this island via gummi ship, would you like take me and throw me in the general direction of Traverse Town?

Kerchak: (Throws Sora)

Sora: THANK YOOOOOOOOU!! Aaaaaah! (Lands) My spine.

Goofy: Oh here's where we parked the gummi ship.

Sora: And now to say goodbye to this beautiful...(laughs) Lets go!

Tarzan: ('I'll come too.')

Sora: (Laughs) No.

Goofy: Do you think everything will be okay now that we're gone?

Sora: I'm sure everything would be just fine.

Clayton: I will kill all of them.

Sora: Yep just fine.

(Ending sequence)